What NOT to Ask a Woman of a Certain Age

Happy Healin’ Vegan is a blog that will help you “create a happy and healthy life.” Although I intend to maintain a positive space, I will also share parts of my story that we can all learn from. This blog is a vulnerable one for me but is hopefully something that can help us all grow as happy and healthy individuals.

 

As I reflect back, I realize the most difficult part of being in my 30’s has definitely been not having children. And this was not because of my desires to have a baby, but because of society’s expectations for me to do so.

It was literally the day of my 30th birthday when people started sending diaper coupons to my email and when people started asking the “none of their business” questions regarding my fertility. In the six years since then, people have said things to me like, “You’re not getting any younger,” “Have you been to the doctor,” “Being a mom is the greatest gift in the world,” and my all-time favorite, “If you’re not going to use your uterus, maybe you should just have it removed!”

Maybe part of it was my fault. I always loved children and was a nanny who couldn’t stop raving about what Bobby or Tiffany did or said during my workdays. It was only natural that I would get married and immediately have children. But as I grew up, my desires changed. I longed to have a successful, life-changing career. And being diagnosed with an incurable illness was an obstacle that put being a mother on the back burner.

I am not saying that I don’t want to have children (Lord knows that I have been saddened and have cried with every baby announcement that has come my way). However, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that my time will come if and when it is right. In the meantime, not being a mother doesn’t make me any less of a person….or a WOMAN. I have amazing gifts to offer, a kind heart and a passion to heal the world.

The bottom line is that a woman’s desire to have a child is no one’s business, except those that she decides to share her aspirations with. It’s not a question that you should ask or a subject to comment on. You never know what that person is going through or how long your questions will stick with them. So next time you meet a childless woman in her 30’s, ask her about the weather, about her job, or about her pets…Do not ask her if she is having children. If you are someone she wants to discuss it with, she will bring it up.

 

 

My Loss and Tips on Dealing with Grief

Hello friends,

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season and I wish you all a happy and healthy 2017!

I normally try to stay extremely upbeat and positive with my posts, and I promise that I will be back to those soon.  However, before I can move into this year I wanted to share this post with you.  Please forgive me 🙂

For me, as well as for many others, 2016 was a year filled with sadness and heartbreak.  There were many close to my heart who suffered great losses and I too lost a dear, loved one. I experienced my first real grips with death when losing my dog, Jake.  I know that some may be thinking, “come on, it’s just a dog!” But for me, Jake was my best friend.  He was in my life for over ten years and was honestly my child (since I haven’t been blessed with a human one yet).  We did absolutely everything together and no person will ever love me with the unconditional love that Jake did.  Plus, this was my first true experience with death and watching someone have their last moment on this planet.  It’s a tragedy that will take me a long time to get over.

I could go on and on about my Jakey but that is not why I am writing this.  I am here to give you my tips on how I am dealing with grief.  I share this with you for two reasons: 1) I know that so many people are suffering from grief right now.  If I can help you with even one of my tips, my job here is done. 2)  It’s cathartic.

Here are the tips that are helping me deal with grief:

  1.  Go Outside.  There is something about being outside that reminds me that the world is so much bigger than me.  It reminds me that there is good in the world, regardless of how sad I am in the moment.  Put your feet in the sand, look at the trees and flowers, breathe in the fresh air.  Staying inside and dwelling on our sadness never helps.
  2. Move Your Body.  For me the thought of doing a difficult workout during a period of grief is unbearable.  However, it is crucial to get out of your own mind and to move your body.  Increase those endorphins with some Yoga or go for a walk.
  3. Eat Healthy Food.  I know what you’re thinking, “all I want is comfort food when I am sad!”  I did too…pizza, soup, french fries!!  But did you know that some foods can actually make us more depressed?  Try to get in some veggies and healthy meals.  Also, try to throw in some grounding foods like sweet potatoes or beets.
  4. Talk to a Friend.  If you are lucky enough to have a good friend who will listen, talk to them about your feelings, experiences and memories.  Do not bottle it up.
  5. Take Care of Yourself.  Remember that grief can actually have a negative impact on our health.  We saw this through the passing of Debbie Reynolds after her daughter, Carrie Fisher, died.  Self care is crucial during this period.  Take baths, increase your vitamins, get extra sleep, journal, meditate, etc.
  6. Remember that You are Human.  This tip is the most important of all!  There are days where I forget that death is a part of being a human being.  I try to be strong and hide my feelings but it is crucial to allow ourselves to feel the way that we are feeling.  If you are sad, it’s okay…more than okay….to cry.  It’s okay to be angry, tired, confused, depressed, selfish.  Feel the way that you need to feel to get through this.

 

I hope that some of these tips can help you through your healing.  If you are suffering the loss of a loved one, please comment below and share your story.  We can get through it together 🙂

I hope that this can be a wonderful year for everyone and I will be back with some happiness and joy soon 🙂

Not Being Good Enough

Hello all of my lovely friends,

Over the last few weeks I have been doing a lot of transformation through meditation and manifestation (if you haven’t heard of Gabby Bernstein, check her out NOW!).  Something that I find that really resonates with me is body image and the feeling of not being good enough.

Have you ever felt this way in your life?! Maybe in your career, your home or even financially?

If so, please take a moment to watch my video.  Let’s take those negative thoughts and channel them into love and joy 🙂

**I will be doing weekly VLOGS so please take a moment to subscribe!  Also, please make sure to share your stories with me on Social Media using the #perfectlyme.

Thank you for all of your support.

My story has been published…have you read it yet?!

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I am so, so, so excited (did I mention that I’m excited?!) that my personal story on body shaming has been published by a wonderful blog (Healthy is the New Skinny).  If you haven’t read my blog, My Struggle with Being Perfectly Imperfect, please take a moment to do so.  Empowering women, teens and girls is something that I feel extremely passionate about.  I hope that together we can decrease violence, bullying and body shaming.

Please SHARE my post (on Facebook, Pinterest or Twitter) and together let’s take a HUGE stand to be #perfectlyme 🙂

You can view my post on my blog or at http://www.healthyisthenewskinnyofficial.tumblr.com.